i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
