He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
