Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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