Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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