I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
