Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
