i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
