hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
