were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
