you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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