So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
kristin has been a bad kristin
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
