i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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