We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
