where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
