The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
