I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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