i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so explain again why im purple
no
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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