Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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