I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
