I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
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he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize