You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
