you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
