mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
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Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
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Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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