I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
