hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
