i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
