Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
