So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
