I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
