Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
