Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
