yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
