Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
