Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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