Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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