He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
