I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think your dad took our porno
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
