Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
