sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
