I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
