Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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