Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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