and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
