i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
