PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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