We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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