I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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