it was like eating out sand paper
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
pray to the hookup gods
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
