Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
