i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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