I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
