He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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