Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
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I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
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He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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