He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
