So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
