But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
