Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
