even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
