I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
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it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
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I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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