when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
