I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
