Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
