You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
