dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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