brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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