He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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