I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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