Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
