You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
