Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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