Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
