i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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