I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
