girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
