i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
50% drunk capacity currently
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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