I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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