Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
