she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
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I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
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No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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