You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
