I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
id be glad to
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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