You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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