I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
