I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
